Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
there is glitter all over my balls
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
