I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
