If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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