Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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