I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
