my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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