What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can I color on your dick again?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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