I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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