I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
