I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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