Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
