I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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