I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
