oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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