Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
