i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Its about making memories worth repressing
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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