Yo dont text me then not text me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
