mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
