I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
