you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
