I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
