Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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