Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
