Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize