A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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