Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
