I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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