They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
