You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
