wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
