I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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