I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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