she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
