you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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