how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
