Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
