; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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