note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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