i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
