3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
