Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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