I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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