we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
