Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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