so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
