Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
