Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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