I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
