It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
