can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
