Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
