I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize