Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
should my penis look like a turkey
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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