Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it