I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
