My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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