Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME

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  (212): guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME http://tfl.nu/dcck
  Replies (5) Good night (1413) Bad night (765)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

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  (303): I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week http://tfl.nu/iwzc
  Replies (69) Good night (7691) Bad night (3059)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii

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  (207): I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii http://tfl.nu/9rj5
  Replies (19) Good night (6659) Bad night (763)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.

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  (661): I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle. http://tfl.nu/l8mr
  Replies (16) Good night (4925) Bad night (1182)
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  (760): View more from California

  coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (760): coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/by4p
  Replies (14) Good night (4117) Bad night (1406)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.

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  (250): Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed. http://tfl.nu/6hpj
  Replies (1) Good night (840) Bad night (2557)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity

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  (215): Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity http://tfl.nu/eokb
  Replies (5) Good night (2000) Bad night (848)
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  (310): View more from California

  I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

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  (310): I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied. http://tfl.nu/wnhg
  Replies (13) Good night (4742) Bad night (959)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.

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  (662): I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck. http://tfl.nu/9thm
  Replies (4) Good night (482) Bad night (733)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.

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  (705): Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old. http://tfl.nu/q951
  Replies (7) Good night (410) Bad night (944)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  "I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."

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  (814): "I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year." http://tfl.nu/a90h
  Replies (5) Good night (738) Bad night (550)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!

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  (727): I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that! http://tfl.nu/zrpi
  Replies (2) Good night (1140) Bad night (742)
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  (661): View more from California

  Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.

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  (661): Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic. http://tfl.nu/0y3r
  Replies (5) Good night (1139) Bad night (363)
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  (949): View more from California

  Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.

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  (949): Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook. http://tfl.nu/9gq2
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (380)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.

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  (248): In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later. http://tfl.nu/yith
  Replies (2) Good night (902) Bad night (221)

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