You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
