i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
