I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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