I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
