She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Rumble strips road head = magical
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
