you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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