I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
