We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
