so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
