Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
