just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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