you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Who did Billy Mays play for?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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