there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
