he puts the penis in happiness.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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