I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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