New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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