My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
