I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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