he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
