I can text with my tongue
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
