you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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