I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
