Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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