Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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